The community I live in very much prides itself on being able to do everything yourself. I agree that there is a lot of value in that; learning to be self-sufficient is an important life skill. However, I do think it puts a lot of pressure on an individual to not ask for support when they need it. I have held that belief in high regard for most of my life. (Oldest child syndrome.) I am a creative and very capable woman, so why should I need help with anything? The reality is, just because I can do something doesn’t mean I should or even need to be the one to do something. In my past, running a multiple six-figure business, I wore so many hats it was exhausting. I could have turned more over to other very capable people and saved myself a lot of stress and health issues. It would have compensated someone else for their capabilities, and left me with more time and creative energy. I didn’t.
The truth is, we really can have anything we want, we just can’t do it completely on our own. And really, why would we want to go through life in that way? Some of my best experiences with other people have been when there is an open and honest connection and willingness to both give and receive. When I really looked at why I felt I couldn’t ask, I realized that receiving terrified me. I felt that I “owed” the other person, like I was taking something from them, not receiving from them. Or that I had something to prove, showing how capable I was.
I have realized that as strong and capable as I am, sometimes I still need help. And I’m getting better at asking for it. There are things in life I need support with. I am fortunate to have friends, and a wonderful husband, and a very capable daughter. They help me a lot in life, and I know they have my best interest at heart. There are some things that they can’t help me with, like with my business, which is why I have my own coach and mentors. They pull me forward, keep me accountable, and hold a vision for me that is bigger than what I see for myself. I am so grateful to my them for showing me a different way. I can now ask for help, and not feel like less of a person. This has been huge for me.
Something I would like to challenge you with is to ask for more help. Even if you’re capable. Even if you could do the task. If you’re silently freaking out about what could happen, start with something small. Like asking for someone to bring you some water, or carry something for you. Really receive the help, and then sincerely thank them for it, which gives them the gift of gratitude. Repeat, maybe with something even bigger. You may be surprised at how great it feels.